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3月20日

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mahatma Gandhi

3/20/2007

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mahatma Gandhi

Konnichiwa, welcome everyone, back to another exciting edition of Fatal3clipse’s web blog. Today there was a great sum of contemplation surrounding the above quote. It has become extremely apparent to me that most psychological discoveries I have come to epiphanize simply by learning through the medium of inexplicable depth and multitude of life’s struggles have been encapsulated and articulated prior to my inception.

I suppose that is ok, I’m in no way bitter about this since our species has been around long enough to make all these issues an oblivious daily occurrence. I feel somehow compelled nevertheless to voice my opinion on the highlighted quote so that others may garnish some insight had they not gleaned it from another source.

After hearing a lot of stories described to me in regards to depression by individuals who at some point in their life were depressed. (Names omitted for the sake of anonymity) I always questioned the logic behind the depressive state as a neurological inhibitor of some sort. Apparently depression is considered somewhat of a disease in which there quite possibly may be a chemical imbalance within the brain’s natural function.

However, I challenge that notion. I too happened to have been deeply depressed at one particular point in my life. To further elaborate, I had a friend tear my ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament). I remember nights were I would be so uncomfortable with my ability to walk, I went to bed at 6:30 pm after getting off work at 5 pm. I laid in bed under my sheet for 4 hours unable to feel relief from the slight tinge of pain and inevitable sleep I patiently waited for in solace. This of course was not a one time occurrence; I spent several nights doing this fearful of my future and happiness. The only real thing that got me through my negativity and depression was good old fashioned Will-Power. It may sound silly but its nature’s medicine. (Oh and occasionally calling my mother asking her why she deemed it necessary not to have me burned at the stake for being a genetic abomination)

So my challenge is simply whether or not this “affliction” is merely a state of being. Isn’t being sad, happy, indifferent, tired, content, and “full” all some form of emotional state? Of course we have these former referenced emotions pass quite frequently. So we can overcome them easier. I began to believe that the depressive mind was merely an inability to “equate” or “come to terms” with the current predicament one is subjected to endure. Now that might sound rather simple but there is an underlying emphasis on this predicament that can exponentially affect the depressive state of being. This principle is black and white. Can you alter this predicament or are you inherently subject to its change on a constant basis? It seems that a lot of depression from my experience can be both, but are particularly defined by ones ability to overcome the odds, dictated by the Will-Power a person has to expend exhaustingly to see the issue through to a resolution. Without that Will-Power, we give up; we take for granted our mental state of being and subsequently give in to the imposition we currently face.

So I ask that those experiencing this emotion rise up and look deep inside themselves to find the root of this cause. “Why am I unhappy, what would make me happy?” It could be as simple as not taking the time to file your taxes, or account for expenses in your bank, or as grandeur as an ACL tear. Either way, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is triumph in defeat. It’s not the end result but the journey to relief that defines us. For whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. When you feel like giving in, refer to Gandhi for guidance.

-Troy W.

3月12日

"The point that I'm not making here is..."

Hello everyone! I must admit, the news was right. During last nights change in daylight savings time I ended up forgetting to reset some of my clocks, due to this oversight I stayed at work an extra hour and will most likely be going to bed later than usual for the next few days.  

I can’t complain, although my usage of electricity is sporadic and nocturnal so I don’t think I’m saving much electricity. I have been conscientious of my power consumption ever since I moved into an apartment so daylight savings time doesn’t help much. I wish to save money by avoiding the use of electronics. I keep playing my xbox though, which consumes a healthy amount of electricity. I hope to remedy that problem and build a bicycle that generates power and hook the converter up to the xbox so I get a workout playing my xbox, almost like a Wii. Apparently sarcasm knows no bounds.

I promised a personal blog, so I figure I might as well deliver on that promise. Now I know I don’t have that many faithful readers. There is someone who might be reading these very soon. So in a way this is going to be partially addressed to her.

I had talked to my ex girlfriend tonight. I can say with a great deal of hesitation that every time I talk to her I get nervous. Our relationship has some serious history. I ponder greatly on the things she tells me about her life. I told her I was afraid of her, that I am afraid to come see her for fear of the past. I wonder why I am so particular and cautious about everything I do. It’s almost a part of my inherent characteristic psyche to prepare for any potential outcome with regards to any large step I take in life.

About halfway into the conversation I had asked her to profile me. In doing so I hoped to garnish how she perceived me as a person for illustrative purposes. It was interesting to hear that she would have described me the way I would have described myself. The reason I was so intrigued by this notion was simply because our prior conversations usually centered on less “safe for work” commentary. So in a way it was refreshing to see that she wasn’t the crazy party girl she might have been misconstrued as by yours truly. She is very intelligent and quick. When I make a joke she picks it up effortlessly. Which, I find endearing beyond recognition.

I loved her very dearly a long time ago it seems. When we broke up I became cold and bitter. I found a certain truth though, that you’re not truly happy unless you’re happy with yourself. It’s rather hard to focus your energy on others if you are not content with your life. I figure that a lot of young adult parents go through this sort of thing when they have a child. I also became rather methodical, rational and precise during this time. Maybe it’s because I am a guy but I only get the urge to cry when there is great relief in achievement and triumph. I haven’t actually cried in 7 years.

I am planning on going to see her, to see where our friendship is headed. Maybe well stay friends maybe things will be different this time around. I can’t tell anyone for certain, but I can sure plan for any eventuality right? It must be my cautious nature to plan. I am doing it in my head right now…